Thursday, November 08, 2012

My New Plan

Alice laughed. "There's not use trying," she said: "one can't believe impossible things."
"I daresay you haven't had much practice," said the Queen. "When I was your age, I always did it for half-an-hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."

Well, mentally renouncing all ties did not work. Being sure to refer always to the 'rebel colonies', wishing I had a spare $450 and the time for two trips to Sydney, trolling the internet rejecting the legitimacy of the American Revolutions and/or Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo, telling people who asked where I was born 'Occupied Spanish North America' and going around crying 'Viva El Rey Juan Carlos!' did not sufficiently reduce my emotional involvement with events in that shitty little country.

So I have decided on a new strategy.

I have observed, in my life thus far, that most people are really good at believing mind-bogglingly stupid things contradicted by vast amounts of evidence. So I thought, why shouldn't I try it, too?

This is my new belief, which I have spent most of my free time in the last twenty-four hours developing elaborate arguments for:

The United States of America is a fictional country invented by Nabokov as a setting for his novel 'Lolita'.

Hier steh ich.

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