Dear Typical Australian Foreign Policy Commentator,
I have a disagreement with my brother. He is 5'11 and weighs 80 kg, while I am 5'10 and weigh 75 kg. Which one of us is right?
Confused in the Near North
The bigger person is always, always, always correct. Haven't you heard the saying, 'might makes right'? If you provoke your brother into kicking the shit out of you, don't come crying to us for help.
T. A. F. P. Commentator
[Disclaimer: All advice given in this column does not apply to white folks]